When we hit a certain age we can no longer pull off the way we flirted when we were twenty. Flirting for grown ups is a complex and subtle affair. These days, most adults meet through online dating sites like Love Generations USA. After getting to know a person through messages, there is an all important first date. This is often a flop, because while email and messaging are effective in communicating some information, many adults don’t know how to send the right signals to get a romantic relationship started. It is a myth that sparks are an organic process. Sparks occur when one or both of the people involved are good at sending signals that they are interested in a romantic relationship with the other person. There are a lot of subtle and sincere ways that a person can generate sparks.

Active listening is the most straightforward approach to grown up flirtation. Everybody wants to feel that what they say is important and interesting to others. What shifts this human instinct into flirtation is the listener sending the right responses to the speaker. The easiest way to do this is through body language and asking direct questions.

While having a conversation on a first date, it is important to really try to hear what your date is saying then, show them that you are listening. If you are in a crowded bar, lean forward slightly. Then, give subtle active signals; nod your head, murmur lightly mm hmm or yeah. Listener response varies according to culture and background, so be sure not to overdo it.

The next step is asking questions. This shows that you are listening and that you care. If you are stuck for questions, think about asking for details. If your date says they have two kids, ask how old they are. If your date says they love classical music, ask if they have been to any good concerts lately. You can take this one step further, by adding in a level of agreement. If they say they like classical music you can offer that it was your aunt’s favourite but you don’t know that much about it, and then ask them for more information. This gives the conversation (and your date’s ego) a boost. It is important, though, that this is sincere, or it will get you into trouble later.

There are many advantages to using active listening as a flirting technique. The most important is that dating will be a lot more fun. With these simple tips, you will be able to extend first dates into relationships with romantic possibilities. These relationships will be based on common interests and mutual respect.