While many physiological changes take place in our bodies as we age, the loss of libido does not have to be one of them. True, sexual desire manifests differently in older people. Arousal may take a longer time, but many sexually active seniors say this is a feature not a bug. Here are eight tips on how to spice up your love life.
How to spice up your love life
Don’t wait to be in the mood
For younger individuals whose hormonal drives are churning frantically, sex and spontaneity go together. This is not necessarily the case for older lovers. Sometimes, you may not be feeling particularly erotic at the start of a lovemaking session, but if you understand the importance of the sexual connection, and if your body is healthy, stimulation will lead to arousal, and arousal will lead to passion.
Pick the right time
Life’s rhythms are different for senior citizens, particularly after they retire. Evenings may no longer be the right time for sex because after a large evening meal, blood is diverted to the digestive system for several hours.
Try making love in the morning or the early afternoon instead. Keep in mind, too, that every individual has his or her own unique sexual rhythm. To discover yours, try writing down those moments when you feel friskiest for a few days.
For women in the throes of sexual pleasure, wetter is always better. But vaginal changes are a natural part of aging process in women. Vaginal walls become thinner, and the vaginal canal itself can become shorter and narrower.
There are also changes in levels of vaginal lubrication that are related to declines in estrogen levels. Fortunately, there are many wonderful lubricants on the market that can supply the wetness your body may no longer be producing.
Lubricants can also intensify sensation for men, particularly as they age when stimulation over a longer period of time may be necessary to produce an erection. While silicone lubricants may be harder to find, they last longer, which may make them a better option than water-based lubricants if penetrative sex is the aim of your lovemaking.
Use sex toys
The older you are, the more stimulation you will probably need to become aroused and the more arousal time you will probably need to reach orgasm. Many vibrators can be calibrated to give you the quality of vibration that is best suited to excite you without overly irritating surrounding skin.
Vibrators come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and styles, too, so women have their choice between models designed to provide clitoral pleasure, vaginal penetration, G-spot stimulation, or all three.
Penis rings can help sustain the duration and quality of an erection during penetrative sex, which can go a long way toward solving performance anxiety for older men. They should be removed, however before orgasm. Some penis rings contain vibrators, which can be set to stimulate both the male and female partner during lovemaking.
Relearn the pleasures of kissing
Kissing and other types of foreplay are often merely preludes to The Act for younger lovers. Older lovers know better. When you give a kiss your full attention, that kiss turns a moment into an eternity during which anything can happen – and everything frequently does.
Even the most intimate couple cannot read one another’s minds, nor should they be expected to. The best sex takes place between people who can communicate openly with one another about what they like, about what they would like more of, and about things their partners might consider doing differently.
If you want to try something new, by all means bring it up with your partner. Sexual creativity is the ultimate turn-on.
Expand your definition of sex
Having sex when you’re older does not necessarily mean reduplicating the sexual experiences you had when you were younger. It’s not just about intercourse. Oral sex or masturbation can be just as fulfilling as ends in themselves. So can kissing and erotic massage.
It’s easy to overthink sex, particularly if you’re dwelling on performance anxiety or feeling insecure because your body is no longer the body you had when you were 20, 30, or even 40. Humor, banter, and a sense of fun are excellent ways to get over those stressors.
Ultimately, sex is about enjoyment, and what’s more enjoyable than playing? Embrace your own silliness and quirkiness, and you’ll quickly find that your imagination has become a willing participant in your sexual encounter.
Learning how to spice up your sex life is the secret to continuing to enjoy sexual intimacy at any age but particularly when you’re older. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t continue to enjoy sex as long as you want to so long as you continue to think of it as an evolving aspect of your life.
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