Anyone who is going through a divorce looks forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. However, the emotional upheaval can be so great that sometimes it’s hard to imagine a time when you will be moving on after divorce.
A break-up will always hurt, no matter which position you are in. You may find yourself wondering why a break-up hurts this much, even though you have already accepted that the relationship is no longer good for you.
One of the reasons that a break-up or a divorce is so heartbreaking is that it is not just a person that you are letting go, it is also the life that you had together and the dreams you had for you future life together.
Moving On After Divorce
The idea of this future that you will no doubt have imagined at the beginning of your relationship, when you were high on love, will now seem like a cruel joke.
This rupture of the life you wanted will lead you into territory that you will probably not have been in before. The routine that will have been set up over the years of your relationship will no longer exist.
Your responsibilities will change, your friends may even change, and this is what makes the process of a break-up or divorce so traumatic – the clear disruption, not only of your relationship but of your life and your habits. What also makes a divorce so troubling is that the experience makes you doubt not only your partner, but yourself.
After all of this turmoil a period of recovery will certainly be needed. There is no strict timeline on how long it will take to move on but it can be difficult to move on in any meaningful way until all of the legal questions of the divorce have been dealt with.
Once this has happened you should give yourself a couple of months to grieve the loss of the relationship. This is a time that is only about you.
You will no doubt feel a rollercoaster of emotions – sometimes feeling as if all you can do is cry and at other times enjoying the possibilities of your new life. This is completely normal and your moods will even out in time. Just be careful not to do anything rash during this period. Do not for example dye your hair pink or get a huge tattoo. This is a time of fluctuation and it will be scary.
The biggest change will be being alone. You will be used to having another person around all the time and this will be hard to change. This is not a reason to go back, which is a common tendency. If you are to keep your dignity you have to be hard on yourself and not be overcome by doubt. You are getting a divorce for a reason and those reasons are always valid.
There is no way to get through a break-up or divorce without the emotional mess that comes with it. But there are some aspects that are within your control. Don’t lose sight of the exciting possibilities that lie before you – the chance to explore who you are independent of another person is a real challenge and a real privilege and should be seen in this light.
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